He said as venom laced in his every word. I lost my strength as I fell on the ground. I put my hand over my mouth, panting heavily. My lips began to quiver as I looked at Christian who bent to my level.
"Why..?" I whispered in a croaked voice. Christian stared at my devastated form for a second and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead.
"When we will go home. I'll introduce you to your own self. I will tell you the truth hidden from you for the 22 years of your life." I bit my lips and I looked down. My heart skipped a beat in dread as I curled my hands in a fist and after taking some deep breaths, I stood up.
"Okay." I said firmly as we left for home.
On our way back, my heart was beating so fast in fear. I felt so scared. As if something bad is going to happen. I received a very unsavoury omen about what’s going to happen. I held Christian's hand in a tight grip.
"It is bad?" I asked, afraid..
"Depends on you." He said not meeting my gaze. My breath became heavy as I didn't dare to ask anything else.
On the other hand, Merlin, how could she do this to me? Why? What wrong I did to her that she fell this low to make me feel defiled? Why?
***
My legs were trembling, my heart; it feels like it can burst from dread. The feeling of being powerless inside of me. Not being able to say something, my dried lips choose to remain silent. Lost in apparitions that I might not know something that can be unbearable for me. All I Could do is to be strong enough to bear the pain and don’t let it affect my mind but it seems impossible. I could feel it under my fingernails, the crumbling sensation.
I have already made up my mind, after knowing everything, before breaking or taking out my agony. I will meet everyone who hides this from me.
Christian is taking me somewhere, the drive was silent and after a long time, I found this silence crushing.
We reached a graveyard, Christian walked out so did I. I timidly stood beside him. He turned to me, he seemed scared. He gulped and pulled me in a hug. I stood still and I felt like he was hugging me as if it's his last time. I slowly hugged him back and called him,
"Christian.."
"Sophie.. You promised to stay with me.." He said desperately. My heart clenched as I whispered,
"I will.. don't worry.." I pulled away and smiled at him. Before I could say anything he pulled me into a kiss. His demeanour is now startling me a bit. Why is he acting as if we are meeting for the last time? Even tears are present on the corner of his eyes. He kissed me passionately and pulled away. He was out of breath, he gave me a look filled with intense sorrows. Looking at him like that is making me so sad. It's so heartbreaking. Please, don't do it.
He held my hand in a firm grip as we walked inside,
"I am taking you to my mother's grave." He said. I nodded as my lips formed a thin line.
My eyes widened in horror as gasps filled with shock left my lips. My whole being stiffed as my mind was clouded with unfathomable clouds of overwhelming pressure. I was deluged in the frights and ravage. Lost in the depths of despair, I remained motionless as I read the gravestone;
Eleanor Elvis
17th Oct,1968 - 12th Feb,2015
May Your Soul Rest in Peace
Aunt Eleanor… I swallowed hard as I ran my hands in my hair, trying to contain the bursting emotions inside me and not create a scene here or even kill Christian with my own hands.
"Take me home." My voice is barely audible. Christian wrapped his arms around my shoulder as we walked out. I was lost in those mystifying clouds that are beyond my capabilities to bear. I didn't dare to speak a word as we went home, controlling my anger and devastation.
The moment we entered, I finally burst those floods of emotions that were building inside of me.
"Eleanor Elvis!? I never knew her last name was Elvis and Aunt how could she.. How could she kill her own self, just what the hell happened to her?! Why did she take her own life?! It's been years since I met her but her being dead is something I never imagined and moreover a suicide!? FUCKING SUICIDE!?
A knight will descend for you. That knight is you. Of all people; you. Christian how could you.. You made our marriage a show of sexual intercourse, if you came to my house saying that you are the knight Aunt spoke of, that you are her son, I would have gladly accepted you- no strings attached, I would offer my life to you because I have loved you all my life without seeing or even knowing you. Even though you are my cousin but still.. I had no objections to our marriage because I trusted you, you are Aunt’s son. MY KNIGHT! MADE FOR ME!
When you knew that why didn't you come to me in the first place!? Why did you choose Merlin over me!? Every second Aunt talked about you. My son will come for you. You will be my bride, he will give you all the happiness. You are supposed to be mine, I was supposed to be your bride, all yours. You could have chosen me over everyone! Aunt decided it all then why did you twist fate and settle with Merlin!?”
Why didn't you come for me. I grew up, thinking whether one day, even you or Aunt might come back saying let's take you back and soon I forget all about these but you came, but how you came.
Please me whenever wherever I want.
Christian why the hell did you use me like this!? You loved Merlin, used me for your pleasures! You're suppose to protect me and you're the first fucking person ever to DEFILE ME! What wrong did I do to you!? Why didn't you fulfill your promise and protect me like you are supposed to? Why did you leave us behind? Why do you come back after all these years, Huh? Oh, yeah, I lost one but I still have another option: let's try to love her. Isn't it? TELL ME EVERYTHING DAMN IT! I WANT TO KNOW!" I burst my feelings. Tears stream down, mixed with my fierce anger and the atmosphere of his penitence spread in the air but I am beyond furious right now.
"Aunt, If that's the knight you spoke of, then I am very disappointed in him. He couldn't protect me. I hate him! I wish Aunt never gave me the hopes of him! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! I wish I never had you as my knight." I cried loudly, letting out the agony. I felt my world crash, Christian is Aunt Eleanor's child, he.. was suppose to be my knight.. someone made for me only.. how could he..
I sniffed and wiped my tears, he was looking down in shame as if he was at the loss of words, I walked to him and held his collar,
"Do you know what Christian? I might hate that knight and I will never forgive him. Heck, I don’t even want him in my life because I don’t need him.” I snarled. His eyes widened in horror, Tears brimmed in his eyes, he shook his head, begging me with his eyes, utterly shattered upon hearing my words, his world of delusion came to a crash.“Please don’t Sophie. I love you. I can’t live without you. You promised to stay. Please. I am nothing without you. Please don’t leave me. I will do whatever you want just don’t leave me. I love you.” He began to cry out loud, pleading with me to not leave him in the dark anymore and I know I can’t. My grip on his collar tightened as I lowered my head, gritting my teeth, hearing the sound of his pleas which broke my heart. A tear fell from my eye as continued,
“I hate the Knight… but.. but..I love my husband to whom I marry to escape my desperation, the one I married just for lust. The one who both defiled and purged me. I love so much that the thought of leaving him causes my very soul to immerse in dread. I will love him till my last breath and he is far better that fake knight that was suppose to protect me. My husband, who saved me from those dark abysses, who introduced me to myself. Who was there for me every time. Please.. never try to become the knight Aunt spoke of.. please be who you are.. my husband... My Christian.. Please.. I love you the way you are. I love our Toxic Marriage rather than fake Knight fantasies." I put my head on his chest as silent tears rolled down my cheeks. He remained stoic as if he didn't expect me to say this. That's why he was afraid, he thought that if I ever found out that he was the one that was suppose to be mine and compared to what he did to me when we got married, I would never forgive him for this. He was suppose to be mine, he was suppose to protect me not defile me. He was scared because he knows that he failed his duty.. as my knight and not just duty but the promise he made to Aunt, he broke all of it, he was terrified so that I might not leave him because of this. That's why he kept saying that I'll leave him and please don't leave me. For a moment, I even want to run away from him, he can't even fulfill one duty. Even after trying to twist the fate, he still ended up with me.
But, I can't leave him. I love him as my husband not as some knight who was mine. I love him as my husband who gave me all the happiness of the world. The one, who made me feel so secure in his arms. The person, whose warmth gave me heavenly serenity. I love him. I love my husband. I love him dearly…
I wiped my tears and pulled away and looked at him with my teary gaze,
"Please tell me everything Christian.." I spoke faintly. Christian took a deep breath and nodded. He took a seat as I sat beside him,
"This all started when your mother was 5 months pregnant.."