I curled my hands in a fist and stood under the shower. I let the water to wash away this feeling but every drop of water that falls on my face made me even more miserable because I know the feeling is not leaving my heart, only Christian’s call suck this out from me but I don't want him to do it, it's intolerable for him. He cannot endure the same thing again- so do I.
I walked out and wore my clothes. Christian was still sleeping so I decided to walk out. The moment I took a step out, I saw Gwen,
"Good Morning Ma'am."I just passed her a faint smile. Apart from Christian, I don't feel like talking to anyone and that sometimes applies on him. Sometimes, I just want to run to a desolated place and cry out loud and let out all this feeling of anguish.
"Ma'am, Your mother and brother is here." She informed. I gave her a nodded and walked down and saw Mother and Eugene there.
I hugged them and Eugene said,
"Good to see you being discharged." I hummed in response as mother said,
"Where's Christian?"
"He's sleeping."
"He is the one that called us to have breakfast together and now he is not here." Mother said putting a hand over her waist. I know he is doing this for me.
"Let him sleep. He's tired." I said. Mother nodded. We took a seat and began to eat in silence.
"Sophie, are you alright?" Mother called me.
"huh?" I looked at her mistily.
"love, you are so lost. Did something happened?" Mother asked. I just shook my head.
"Sophie.. I know it must be hard for you but you're so brave, you have to overcome this." Who told you that I am brave?
"Hmm" I just can't tell her what I've been through. Eugene gave my hand a slight squeeze and smiled at me. I smiled back and turned my attention to my food. I stare at it devoid as if my mind is screaming but my lips are sealed.
"At least eat.." Mother said again but her words didn't reach my ears as I was lost in my own world.
***
..."Here, eat it." One of them said pushing a tray of food towards me. I, who was too defiled and broken, didn't even flinch.
"I don't want this shit of yours." I growled feeling the urge to kill at least one of them for doing this to me.
"Ya better eat that 'Shit' before I give ya the actual one, sweetie." He said coming closer. I once again looked at the source of light from the door, it's much brighter than the one in that room. Like the door's gonna open revealing Christian, consoling me, it did happened but it was too late.
"Go die, you pig!" I hissed. Making him angry, he gripped my hairs and looked at me.
My eyes were so heavy that I can't even look at him. I haven't seen anyone's face but the face of these two can never leave my mind, I swear I want them to die in the worst way possible.
"You're so tempting that one night can never be enough. I understand why your husband used you for that long." I recognized that he is the same guy and the hatred burst from me.
"Your worth is not even to call his name.. You scum." I mocked. He grit his teeth and push me against the wall, I yelp in pain but since I don't have any strength in me, I couldn't move. He forcefully kissed me and bit my lips causing a cut mark to appear on it. Blood flowed from the corner of my lip but I didn't opened my mouth. I dug my nails on him which thankfully made him to push away.
"If you don't eat it. You're not gonna have anything else." He roared and left, leaving me alone in the room.
I starved myself as long as I can but hunger got the best of me and I ate the food. I can still see their haunting looks when they saw me eating. I never knew that eating food would be that humiliating for me… but I struggled for as long as I can...
***
I stared at my food and realized that ever since I got out from that shit-hole Christian fed me. I didn't ate my food by myself. I have taken only a bite when I was about to take another the sound of their laugh echoed in my mind throwing me in the bottomless pits of turmoil.
"I'll eat later." I said hurriedly as I stood up and went to the hall. The screeching sound kept echoing in my mind, I put my hands over my ears but they are not doing any good. My lips began to quiver. I continuously swallow the lump in my throat to not to cry. I don't want to cry.
Not being able to withstand this feeling. I went to our room. I looked at Christian and thought about waking him up and I shook my head. No, let him sleep. I then opened the closet and took out his white office shirt. I sniffed and it is filled with his scent, giving me serenity. I took off my shirt and wore his. Of course, it was too big for me. I feel suffocated when I close all the buttons so I rolled my sleeves and just by opening the first button, I can see it's kinda revealing but I don't care as long as I can feel his scent close to mine.
I went back to the hall and saw mother and Eugene eyeing at me.
I ignored their looks and sat on the sofa. I hugged my knees and put my chin on it. They sat on either side of mine.
"Sophie.." Mother exclaimed with worry. Eugene patted my head, "You have him by your side. I'm sure you can prevail it." He said firmly. I once again hummed.
"Oh, I have to leave for my work." Eugene said.
"You got a job?" I asked. He nodded with a smile, I know it's been a while. I haven't talked to him ever since he left. But it's not even a month since he left.
"Congrats." I spoke faintly.
"Thanks." He kissed my forehead and left. After left mother asked,
"Dear.. please tell me what made you like this?"
"You remember what you did when you came to know about that incident in the party. You pushed us away."
"Dear.. This and that are a two different things."
"I… just want to be with Christian. Nothing else..." I said inhaling deeply his scent that gave me tranquility. Even the sound stopped ringing in my ears.
Mother remained silent for a while and then stood up,
"I'll take my leave now. I have to go." She said. I gave her a nodded as she left giving me a side hug.
After she left, I remained like that for I don't know how long.