Christian POV:-
I don't want her to be hurt, I know I hurt her the most but if she hurt herself, I won't be able to face her.
I don't want to love her, she can never remove those apprehensions of my heart and I will never let her too. I will do whatever I can, just to make sure that she doesn't love me, even if it involves hurting her.
But she hates me even if I have done nothing.
That's why I felt relieved when she hated my touch. I was happy that there are no chances that she can love me.
She felt disgust and hate for me. That intense detest can never be removed and it worked in my favor as I don't have to go through that feeling of betrayal again.
When I don't love her, why'd I marry her?
I have to get married to her but I can't give her love and moreover, I have turned this marriage into nothing but a mere display of ravish and repugnance for her.
‘That poor soul doesn't even know a thing. She just thinks that she married me to satisfy my lust as I'm gonna afford her expenses.’
If she never came to New York and stayed in Boston like she should. This would never happen. She'd have a normal life. A normal job, everything would be monotonous for her. If she stayed in Boston.
But, What's done is done. None of us can't do anything now.
I don't know what to say about her. I just know that she is mine. That she belongs to me from the moment she was born
. She was made for me, I know it all too well.
I know I have never met her before our marriage, just once or twice but I knew that she was mine. I know she was mine to possess. And now, she is legally mine and there's nothing she can do to escape from me.
Just like me, I am hers. I have known this all along still. I decided to twist the destiny and tried to settle down with Merlin but she was never mine and here I am being hers- again. It was decided that I am hers and she was mine. And we both are stuck in this.
Sometimes, I felt guilty for doing this to her. I promised that I'll protect her but.. I couldn't.
I found her so exculpating, I wanted to lose myself in lust but her innocence came in between and didn't let me harm her too much. Her looks even made me lose my interest and made me feel like I am forcing myself upon her.
I don't know whether she was doing this on purpose or truly is that pure and naive. I don't even want to know, There's no need for me to concern myself.
I just have to fulfill my desires. As long as I receive pleasure, there's no need to involve myself in her life, right?
Sometimes, I don't understand her. Why does she greet me? I am not used to listening to these kinds of sweet words. They felt strange. She is strange.
She is peculiar. She was given a choice unlike me. If she doesn't want this, why did she agree? Was she desperate to see her brother recover? Why did she care about relations that much? Maybe she doesn't know how cruel they are.
Whenever I look at her, her face is filled with either dread or despair, they arouse unwanted feelings in me.
I don't know what I should feel about her but I know one thing: love is something that will never be present on that list. An empty laugh escaped my lips when I remembered,
'A knight will descend for you' What a silly delusion it was and still is...Believe me, you don't want to know about the identity of this knight...
I couldn't sleep, so I turned and looked at her.
She was sound asleep- the only moment when she was at serenity. I removed the hairs falling on her face as I stared at her enchanting features.
It's not that I am falling for her.
I will never fall in love, it's just an irrational feeling. Love comes with betrayal, I will never feel affection for anyone, they all will leave you in the end, there's no need to attract yourself to anyone because when they leave you, it hurts.
I just like looking at her because her emotions intrigued me. Just like what I heard about her. She is caring, she's shy. She has a short-temper and can explode if you provoke her. I find that cute. She got angry when we first met. She always piqued my interest, since the beginning. I still remember what she told me when we met for the first time,
"It's better to cry with a shoulder than alone. Mother told me that."
She hates me and I don't even care about it. She hates how she is married to me for money. The look of resentment was always clear in her eyes but it was masked by those clouds of apprehensions.
My sweet wife doesn't even know that she was bound to me from the beginning till the end...
Whether she loves me or not, as long as she doesn't cheat on me, I don't care. I just need to fulfill my promise and I did, don't expect anything else from me.
Before I knew it, I fell asleep.
My eyes opened as I saw her snuggling close to me. She seemed afraid and looked like she was having a nightmare. I pity her, witnessing a nightmare in real life and now in dreams. I sat up and shook her.
"Sophie, wake up." I said yawning as she let out a squeak and backed away in fear. Her body was trembling as she quickly sat up and covered herself with the duvet. She continued to shake as I stared at her perplexed. She looked at me as if she didn't expect me to be here.
Amused by her action, I decided to push her past her limits.
I smirked and turned to her. Her breath hitched as I crawled towards her. She moved back as her back hit the bed stamp.
She continued to pant as I leaned in closer. The sound of her rapid breaths filled my ears as I nuzzled to her neck and whispered,
"How about I make that nightmare of yours real?" She flinched when I touched her shoulder as tears gleamed her cheeks. A cold sweat rolled down her cheek as her shaky form shook her head 'no'.
Giving her an atrocious look, she gasped in fear as her grip tightened on the duvets. My fingers trace my marks visible on her pure body. I moved my hand from her shoulder to her arm, pulling the duvet down with it and she was startled at my action.
“Please-” She tried to say anything with her quivering lips but couldn't produce a sound in my vicious presence and I pulled her to me and she was sitting in my lap.
I put my hand over her bare back to prevent her from moving away. Not being able to bear this intimacy anymore, She began to sob loudly as her tears began to fall on my shoulder.
Feeling guilty that I have gone too far, I began to rub her back as my other hand stroked her hairs slightly.
My amused expression was turned into a scowl because I melted in guilt originated by her tears... again.
I was determined to do it but her tears once again stopped me and instead of going into an intercourse, I am soothing her.
I want to teach her a lesson at least once to make me go off track. I will show her what my actual desires are, so that she'll know that what she has gone through is nothing but a mere reflection of what I truly want. But, that girl's tears made me filled with remorse.
I have married her just like you said but using the wrong way, I can't give her love. I promised you that I'll keep her happy... I apologize I couldn't keep my promise… I acted upon Juliette’s words- my biggest mistake.