I felt good when he touched me.
"I didn't!"
"I didn't!"
"I didn't like it!"
"I hate it! I hate you!"
I continued to cry as I felt extreme dislike and revulsion for myself to find this disgusting intimacy pleasurable.
"I didn't like it.." I said as I leaned on the door, letting the tears fall down.
I looked down and after a few seconds, I began to scratch where he touched me. I let out loud sobs of dejection.
"I didn't like it."
"I didn't like it."
"I didn't like it."
I repeated those words like a mantra so that they could give consolation to me but to no avail as I began to lacerate my shoulders and arms so that the feeling of being touched by him would be obliterated.
“I don’t need your softness!” I continued to scratch until red marks were formed all over in my left shoulder and arm.
The bruise stings a lot but I bear it and stand up.
I wiped my tears and washed my face and walked out as if nothing happened. Without those heartbroken feelings, I went to the garden again and sat on the ground and began to stare at the flowers.
Before I realized, Time flew by and the dreadful time came.
As I hid my face in my knees thinking that I have disappeared from the world; receiving a great ecstasy but then Gwen came,
"Sophie, It's dinner time." Not wanting to feel that repulsion, I said without looking up,
"I don't want to eat." I sensed her leaving as I exhaled in relief that she didn't force me to have dinner.
After spending a devilishly long time in the garden, I thought that Christian would be asleep and I decided to go to our room.
I stood up and went to our room. I opened the door slowly as the creaking sound of it alarmed me for those tormenting moment from which I thought I earn reprieved from, but no,
How wrong I was..
I entered and closed the door behind me as I looked up, I saw Christian sitting on the chair with his one leg over the other releasing that deadly dominating aura that made my heart thump loudly.
“Well, Well.”
I looked at him, moonlight falling on his face enhancing his features. The silhouette of his overpowered form elicited a horror in me as I shivered and curled my toes.
His tie was missing as his coat was resting on the bed, the sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up as the few buttons of his shirt were opened revealing his toned chest.
“Christian…” My body froze as I remained still. He gave me a look that deluged me in frights. I gulped as he stood up and walked towards me.
“My dear Sophie..” My petrified hazel eyes met his dark orbs that glisten with a look of malevolence in them.
“Do you truly think-” He put his hands on either side of me and leaned in. Adrenaline rushed in my veins when I felt his blistery breath on my face.
We continued to look at each other as his eyes flickered with a look of passion but it was concealed by the thick cloud of void emotions which are terrifying me.
"-You think you can prevent it?" He said in a fit of rage as the look of passion was replaced by his intensive rage.
I closed my eyes and bit my cheek as I startled when he touched my left shoulder. I bit harder because that pain is still tingling on my skin, I felt metallic liquid in my mouth, and it seems like I bit a little harder.
“I barely touched you, Dear. Don’t overreact. That is called forcing.” Just in that moment, he held my chin and without a warning, he pulled me into a rough kiss.
I remained still, not even kissing him back. But he, who was indulging himself in the kiss, his one hand moved to my neck as a shiver went down my spine.
He moved his hand in my hair and pulled it slightly as I let out a soft gasp and he deepened the kiss but when he also taste that metallic liquid, he stopped.
Everything stopped at that moment. It's like a calm before a terrific storm that wreaks havoc so mercilessly that surviving this is beyond my capabilities.
“Hmm?” He pulled away and touched his lips that had a slight crimson color on them. He looked at the blood then at me.
He stared at me for an instant but that instant didn't last longer as he slammed his hands on the wall and I squealed as dread was consuming my body. He leaned in and looked at me with an outraged look as I shut my eyes in fear.
"What the fuck did you do?" He growled.
"I-I bit m-my c-cheek-accidentally." I stuttered in the great apprehension of facing his wrath. My heart beat so fast as if it could leap out of my chest.
"Not accidentally. But because I touched you." He hissed as my quivering form shook her head 'no' and opened my eyes to meet his pitch-black eyes filled with intense fury.
"You know that your body, your soul is mine." He said in a low tone and I shuddered in vexation when he emphasized the word 'mine'.
“You sold it to me if you remember then stop behaving as if I forced you. You had a damn choice.” He growled.
I lost my strength that moment and almost lost my balance from the terror that consumed my body and deprived me of energy but luckily I put my hands behind me and rested them on the door that gave me support.
"When I didn't hurt this body..." He said, exasperated . You did! You are the one that hurt me the most!
I looked at him with my afraid orbs as he lean in and brush his lips against mine and completed his sentence with obscenity like always,
"...as much as I should.. then how could you hurt it?" My petite form continued to convulse as he rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes for a second.
“Why..? Am I too harsh? Too rough? I believe I told you to let me know if I am.” He said, tone softening.
Everything calmed down in that moment, the tiny spark of affection was shown in him as we remained like that in the dark room. “Was I?” He asked again and swallowing hard, I shook my head in denial.
“Then why do you act if I forced you? Didn’t I stop yesterday or before it as well?” He asked with our silence that somewhat, for the first time, serene me as I stopped quivering for a second, looking away.
“Do you truly want me to show you how it feels to be forced? I have your written consent and I can do this.” He whispered angrily in my ears. Gasping, I shut my eyes.
“No, please!” I responded instantly, shivering again but a brief silence came in between and when I opened my eyes I saw his eyes filled with pity upon me.
"Don't hurt yourself again.." He whispered in a low voice, a hint of hurt was clear in his voice as if me being hurt; hurts him.
"I promised her..." He whispered again as his presence was filled with penitence for I don't know what. Not being able to make what promise he was talking about and considering it irrelevant, I remained silent.
A strong feeling of compassion emerged from him that made me sway along with it.
“Don’t do it again.” The reality behind his unfathomable actions is yet to be aware of by me. The soft feeling gave me undesirable solace.
I know it isn't gonna last long so I involuntarily let myself to submerge in that feeling of being adorn, even though I shouldn't but still I did.
“I won’t..” Just as I predicted, This brief moment didn't last any longer than a few seconds and the feeling of repugnance came with a fierce force that evoked the feeling of disgust by his touch in me as usual.
His hand moved from my waist to my back. His hands roamed my body giving me a deep dislike for him.
And it feels like he did it on purpose so that I can be snapped from the false world I got lost.
His hand moved around me tenderly as always but this time, when he moved from my left arm to my hand I winced in pain.
Upon hearing this he moved away and looked at me in bewilderment. I looked down as he turned on the lights and pulled up my sleeves, revealing those bruises that are still red and sting.
“Christian, I- I..” He continued to look at them as I became numb like a lifeless doll, just a second ago he said not to hurt myself and upon seeing this. I can feel his anger under my fingernails.
“You-” He gave me a seething look and I lost it. I fell on the ground overwhelmed by his scary presence that gave chills to my bones. The facade broke as I can't feel anything but the terror of facing his dark fury.
"Don't.." I whispered with those trembling lips that are vanquished miserably by his ultimate authority he held over me. My body is in the deepest of frights as I crawled back into a corner in dread of facing his menace.
Being overcome by his lethal look, my shaky form curled like a ball to prevent him from coming further but, being a predator, he came to me and bent and leaned closer as he nuzzled to my neck.
“Please, don’t.” My quivering form let out a gasp filled with apprehensions as tears rolled onto my cheeks without any control over them.
I panted and shivered violently when he put his knuckles over my cheeks and moved it down to my neck.
I continued to sob and plead with him, "Please.. don't. I-I won't h-hurt myself again.." The frights invoked by him are irremovable, they are breaking me.
Not daring not to move an inch, I felt him gently stroking me but being terrorized just thought what he'll do because I have hurt myself I couldn't meet his malice gaze.
I feel like he'll do something but that never came as he wrapped his arms around me protectively and picked me up.
I held his shirt and continued to cry. I know these tears are not only of dread but of the suffering, of that agony I have felt in just a week.
“Don’t cry… I won’t do anything.” He placed me on the bed as I continued to cry. He rubbed my back. I can't endure this nightmare. I slowly pulled away and looked at him with those teary eyes.
He didn't meet my gaze as his eyes showed a flash of hurt, wrath and.. Remorse?
"You hate my touch that much.." He said in a barely audible tone and more to himself. He said it more like a statement, that moment another emotion also glimmered in his obscure eyes- relief.
“So much to rip your skin than to be touched by ‘me’…” He smiled emptily. After looking at my red arm for a while, his cold emotions came back as he stood up and went to the bathroom.
He came out after a few seconds and gave me a gel and left without saying another word as he left..…