I went after him and called him, "Christian!" He stopped in his tracks and turned to me, he raised an eyebrow at me and hummed. He acts as if her death is meaningless, even in revenge. He seemed completely normal, not a single shred of remorse or happiness that he completed his goal.
"Don't you feel anything?" I asked hoping he'll show a single emotion but to no avail. I don't know what I am thinking is right or wrong but I definitely can't be happy over someone's death even if that person is that Bastard's daughter. A human life is precious and you can't bear any grudges to the dead. We both have to understand this.
"Tell me what you feel first." Christian said, turning to me. I gave him a sad look and replied, "I mourn her death."
"Well, I don't. You mourn her death, I have no intentions of doing that." He said with austerity and turned away and left as I again came after him and he continued, "The day she broke her boundaries, her death became my goal. I don't feel anything for her. This has to happen."
"Then not as the person who attempted low acts but as a person you once loved. Tell me how you feel?" I asked. He stopped and turned to me, he narrowed his eyes at me in anger but I also gave him a glare. We both have a staring competition which he loses as he sighed and replied, "May her soul rest in peace... because she couldn't find any peace when she was alive." He said the last part to himself.
"Happy? Now can I go and can you please not talk about her anymore?" He said exasperatedly. I looked at him and put my hand on my waist as I let out a sighed, "Fine.." He smiled and kissed my cheeks as he left and I went with him.
We were playing with the kids and somehow, I don't know why, I want to attend her funeral. I don't know why but I feel sorry for her. I don't even want to know what Christian did to her but somewhere in my heart, I feel as if I am the culprit of her death.
I wonder how he's feeling? He is acting all stoic. Urgh! Why are you being so complicated?
He was smiling widely while playing with Aletha.
"Come here, Princess." He smiled and held his hands to her as she crawled to him and he smiled so widely. As for Christopher, he was sleeping.
"Christian.." I called him again.
"Hmm?"
"Can't we attend her funeral?" He stopped and looked at me in disbelief.
"Are you out of your mind?! Sophie, Okay I get it you mourn her death but we are not going anywhere."
"Christian you can't hide that look of remorse. We'll watch it from afar. But, we are going." I said sternly.
"We are not." He replied in the same tone. I scooted close to him as I held his hands, "Please don't be angry at the dead. Don't bear any more hate for her. Come.." I said giving his hand a gentle squeeze, passing him a sad smile. He looked at me for a minute and then lowered his gaze. He swallowed hard and looked down, "I"m the reason for her death. How can I attend it?" He whispered.
"We'll watch from afar." I suggested. “I don’t think I can do this.” He was slumped in dejection. I moved and cupped his cheek and said softly, “It’s okay. I am with you.” His lips began to quiver as he hesitantly nodded.
****
We stood outside the cemetery, watching her burial from afar. Her parents also seemed devastated because of the death of her daughter, lost one and neglected the other. They are left with no one; it’s no less than God's punishment for them. They are crying so loudly. I turned to Christian who was looking down in shame. I patted his back and looked at him.
"Sophie.. I wanted her to end up like this because of what she did to you but now, it isn't giving me any tranquility. I feel somehow.. repentant." This time my heart broke into millions pieces as I realized that I failed to be his guide. I understood at the moment, how wrong I was. I was lost in hatred just like in and fell into the darkness as well. I couldn't let him leave the wrong path. My body began to quiver in dread as I felt so heartbroken. Tears dwell in my eyes as I held his hands and began to cry, "I am sorry.. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Christian." I began to sob. I put my head on his chest as I continued to cry.
"Sophie what happened? Why are you crying?" He asked worriedly.
"It's my fault... I failed to light your path... I failed to guide you. Only if I forgive her and make.. you to forgive her too...This would never happen. You ..were blinded in revenge, so was I... I.. I shouldn't have let you desire vengeance in the first place.. I'm so sorry. I couldn’t help you to walk on the right path.. I am so sorry. " I managed to say between the sobs. He rubbed my back, holding his tears back but still a few rolled down his cheek as he began to say with a void smile, "I guess both of us are at fault. Sophie guidance is a difficult path, sometimes your right decisions can be wrong. You just have to be strong and continue to light my path."
"But.. I.. I.." He cut me off by putting his index finger over my lips, "Shh.. it's okay. If the regret eats you up, it will astray you. Calm down. One of us has to be in light to lead the way and I want that person to be you. So don’t break.. Or else I will too." he said in a croaked voice as I sniffed and nodded. My grip on his tightened, I kept looking down, not having enough course to look at her as my heart broke and I found myself in the labyrinth of darkness from where I have to find my path and never let the resentment to blind me ever again.
I'm so sorry…